Iranians in SPACE

Pentagon spokesnetwork CNN recently broke the terrifying report of a successful Iranian rocket launch into space. The lone passenger victim: a monkey.

This is perhaps the most disturbing story American Difter has discussed all year. We know that Iran presents an existential threat to Israel and by extension the United States, but never have we seen such audacity in the name of violent anti-western jihad.



Iranian Hostage Crisis Revisited?

Jihad is of course the Arabic word for "death to Big Mac."

(update: sources have reported that Iranians in fact speak a terrorist code language called "Farsi," the team at AD finds this even more suspect)

This aggression will not stand. Firstly, we cannot as a free nation tolerate such blatant acts of war. Furthermore, we must not passively bear witness to such atrocities committed towards animals.

The US, Israel, and the EU have so far stood alone in the fight towards unfettered Iranian armament, but perhaps this precursor to war has a silver lining.

In the constant search for the allies of freedom, PETA has emerged as a new buttress to counter the Iranian threat.

In an official statement, PETA announced that it was:

appalled by photos of a visibly terrified monkey crudely strapped into a restraint device in which he was allegedly launched into space by the Iranian Space Agency

The activist group further added: "Iran wants the bomb. Iran needs the bomb. We must bomb Iran before they bomb us back."


Popular Enemies of Tehran All-the-time-YOLO

This is a triumphant blow to delusional peace-loving pinko leftist commentators who claim that Iranian nuclear enrichment is nonviolent. SUCK ON THAT JUAN COLE!



Terrorist Apologist

Thank God for CNN, boldly connecting the dots in the name of journalism. Here is a quote from U.S. State Department spokeswoman Victoria Nuland featured in the CNN article:

...our concerns with Iran's development of space launch vehicle technologies are obviously well-known: Any space launch vehicle capable of placing an object in orbit is directly relevant to the development of long-range ballistic missiles.

Right on Vicky, let's call a spade a spade. If Iran can send a monkey into space, what's to stop them from freighting a troop of silverback gorillas to Tel Aviv or FedExing a colony of howler monkeys to Manhattan?

The answer is American vigilance.

We must never waver in the face of terror, and we must never succumb to the psychological fear so vehemently perpetuated by the media Iran. Where is Ben Affleck when you need him?

Intrepid crusader against preconceptions of peaceful Persians

Please join American Difter, PETA, and Ben Affleck in the fight against Iranian primatological aggression.