American Difter: Saturdift Morning Lightning Round III

1.) CNN recently reported that terrorist attacks in Algeria may have been orchestrated by Al Qaeda in Mali.

One senior U.S. official said 'elements of AQIM' may have carried out the offensive in tandem with fighters loyal to Moktar Belmoktar, a veteran militant based in northern Mali who has claimed responsibility for the assault.

Dude I swear I'm facebook friends with Bin Laden

"Elements of AQIM."

Honestly this is ridiculous. Every time we hear about another terrorist attack it's "ohhh must be Al Qaeda. They're the terrorists who know how to tweet right?"

Does Al Qaeda even exist?

I mean seriously, it's the same idea with the Anonymous hackers. How many times do you hear on the news "Anonymous claims responsibility for computer system hack" or "yet another internet infiltration by Anonymous."

Even if you find the comparison outlandish, the two groups don't seem very different in how they try to stay relevant. Hacktivist groups like Anonymous or terrorist organizations like Al Qaeda just seem like fear-fueling opportunists. Take the recent case in Algeria: a terrorist group attacks a natural gas plant, takes hostages, and Al Qaeda says "Alger-what....? I mean... yeah we did that... Allah ho akbar."

Pure poppycock. We need to stop talking like these guys get together every year at the Four Seasons for a conference with cold cuts and free pens to talk about up and coming terrorist real estate. Let's at least understand that as long as we think that way, "Al Qaeda" is never going to "be defeated."

2.) Microsoft's recent Internet Explorer "child of the 90's"commercial attempted to strum the heartstrings of 20-somethings, invoking images of bowl cuts, pogs, and light-up shoes.

I'll be honest, the only thing this commercial said to me was "hey look at all the shit you made your parents buy for you... hey wait a minute, not much has changed, asshole!"

So thanks, Internet Explorer, for confirming that I'm still a materialist.

And by the way, does anyone think this video will actually help Internet Explorer's popularity? If anything I feel like they erred big time here. You'll see the "e" logo at the end and think "oh yeah, I used that shitty browser when I had Napster" and then open a new Chrome window. Swing and a miss.

3.) The Huffington Post, reporting on stuff that people already reported on, broke the story of Gregory Matthew Bruni, who allegedly broke into a Florida home naked, pooped, and masturbated before being arrested.

Bruni in pre-poop contemplation

The only thing I found odd about this story was that the NRA hasn't capitalized on it yet:

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder.

Hell yeah LaDonna! Now get to the phone and hit up Wayne LaPierre for some serious endorsement money. If the NRA wants to make their case against gun control, this is the story they want.