Memory Lane v. Memory Hole

Recently I came across something I'd written the night of the election in 2008:

Obama accepted the victory with grace, and he delivered a fantastic acceptance speech.  My favorite part of his speech was his acknowledgement of the lack of honesty in Washington. I'm hoping he can change that. That's the one thing that's affected me the most these past eight years: unapologetic dishonesty. It's damaging to entrust a leader to lead and watch him become absorbed in his own bubble where he unrepentantly bullshits the world. . . We'll see what this senator can actually do; he is very inexperienced, but he has good ideas. With a Democratic majority in both the House and Senate, he has the opportunity to get a lot done. I've got my fingers crossed.

What a tool.


I wish I had a time machine so I could go back four years and slap the taste out of that kid's mouth.

I won't say much more on that today, but I'll leave you with two things.

First I'd like to remind my readers of the outrage on the left against President Bush that was sparked by his illegal wiretapping program back in 2005.

I'd like to then direct you to this recent article written by Glenn Greenwald of The Guardian on the state of current information collection under President Obama (you have to admit, disposition matrix sounds pretty badass).

Though I find both major candidates repugnant, at this point I'd actually prefer Romney winning so that the Left will wake up and remember that scrutiny against injustice doesn't take a timeout when the drapes are blue.

Interweb Regurgitation I

Though my intention in writing American Difter is to post as much original material as possible, sometimes you just need to take a big swig of the Internet and chunder everywhere.

I've tried countless times to explain to many of my Obamabotic acquaintances the reasons why I won't be voting Democrat this year, and they are numerous. I defer to this article which, much more eloquently than I could, explains my qualms with the President at least on civil liberties. 

Even if you're dead set on voting for Barry this November, which I respect as your right, I dare you to read this article and continue calling me crazy. 

Have a nice Sunday!

The harmful effects of cigarette smoking warning labels

Cigarette smoking is terrible for your health.

Duh.

Yet as a freedom-loving American living abroad, I've been shocked by the precautionary graphic images that many tobacco companies are legally required to place on the fronts of their European-sold cigarette packs.

Is raising awareness for smoking-related health risks meritable?

Yes.

Can we be certain that the right message is being communicated to our youth about these risks?

No.


Exhibit A:

Smoking is highly addictive, don't start

Ok we get it-- if you start smoking you'll become addicted. Let's take another look at that image:

A SYRINGE? You're trying to get people to stop smoking with an image of a GODDAMNED SYRINGE?


Guess what? If I buy a pack of cigarettes that has a picture of a syringe telling me I'll get hooked, I'm NOT thinking about getting addicted to cigarettes. What I AM thinking is: shit, at least I'm NOT giving bj's in a back alley so I can shoot smack. 






Exhibit B:

Smoking can damage the sperm and reduce fertility

Ok, I've got a couple issues with this one, but here's my number one: let's say I'm 16-year-old François going to the store to buy a pack of cigs. I'm not about to look down at this picture and think mon dieu, my future offspring might be in jeopardy. I'm going to think Hell yeah! I'm not wearin a raincoat tonight!!! 

Completely ineffective. You might as well write "Cigarettes: the coolest form of contraception since pulling out."

Note: although wordreference.com says differently, I'm like 93% sure that spermatozoïdes is not a real word.





One more thing:

To quit smoking: [website] or call [#] .15 cents/min

Now let me ask you, who on God's green earth is going to pay 15 cents a minute to have some guy on the phone tell them to get off their ass, walk down to the pharmacy, and buy a pack of Nicorette? It's like the anti-smoking lobby is saying "yeah, we know we're half-assing it."

Unreal.


If I want to quit cigarettes I'll give $500 to my best friend and tell him to donate it to the Westboro Baptist Church if I ever light up again.

Terror on the high seas

One of the most disturbing reports I've read this week comes off the coast of Gaza, where a small ship of international terrorists was apprehended by Israeli authorities before delivering instruments of war to Palestinians. 

Terrorists.

I'm no expert on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but folks, it's times like these when I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that it's not only the United States of America fighting the War on Terror.

Mikael Löfgren, the media coordinator for the ship, Estelle, began lying through his teeth on the Al-Jazeera news network, claiming that the cargo consisted of:

 "... footballs and cement and musical instruments and children's books..."

he added:

"and we have visited like 20 ports around Europe. And in every port we have been ... very open to the public and to the media  and to the authorities to come and inspect our cargo."

Ok, here's my first issue: 

When Löfgren says "footballs," he is clearly NOT referring to the conical pigskins you toss around in the backyard. Grounds for suspicion? 

Yes.


Second issue:

 Löfgren claims that the Estelle had visited roughly 20 European ports before attempting to reach Gaza, all of which were allowed to inspect the cargo.

20 European ports.

20. 

Folks, this is the most disturbing fact of the entire story. Not only did this terrorist plot come so close to fruition, but the ENTIRE EUROPEAN UNION aided and abetted it!

I'm reminded of my favorite quote on terrorism:

"Our war on terror begins with Al Qaeda, but it does not end there. It will not end until every terrorist group of global reach has been found, stopped, and defeated."                                                                                                                

- George W. Bush

If only President Bush knew the clairvoyance with which he spoke over a decade ago.

If anyone needs to contact me, I'll be seeking asylum at the American consulate in Paris.

Note: One of the terrorists in question was in fact an Israeli citizen. Read his declaration of war here. 

Praying for a November miracle

After careful consideration and months of internal conflict, I have finally come to a decision for this year's presidential election:

Tom Bombadil

Gandalf the White

I know what you're thinking: How you could possibly even consider voting for a third party candidate when the stakes are so high?

It wasn't easy. I fully understand that my vote will likely be a "protest vote," voicing my disdain of the two major political parties with their blind adherence to militarism, erosion of civil liberties, and perpetuation of the corporate welfare state.

My hesitation disappeared, however, after I sat down for an interview with Gandalf the White and his running mate, Tom Bombadil of the Old Forest atop the tower of Orthanc in the realm of Isenguard (transcript below):



Chris Jas: Gentlemen thank you for joining me today. Many of our readers already know who you are, so why don't we start immediately with the issues. Gandalf, the state of public education in this country is deteriorating. Not only are we asking more of our teachers, but we are seeing a growing disparity of academic opportunities between students of higher and lower socioeconomic standings. In brief, how would you characterize your educational philosophy and the standards to which we should hold our nation's youth?

Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

CJ: Well put, Mithrandir. Indeed it does seem as though our expectations are falling as each subsequent generation enters the classroom. Many leftists argue that instead of budgeting for wars in the Middle East and expanding our drone campaigns in Pakistan, Yemen, and various Al Qaeda-infiltrated African countries, that we should instead be reinvesting in our schools. What is your take on the rampant militarism and violation of human rights for which this administration is responsible?

G: Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement.

CJ: Interesting point. And what of the the corporate welfare state? How do you view the Obama administration's refusal to prosecute any of the major banks or their respective CEO's, even in the wake of the most devastating financial collapse since the Great Depression?

G: One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

CJ: I think I understand your meaning. But let us now turn to the social issues. It has been argued by many progressive pundits that your party is against same-sex marriage and that you yourself are in favor of policies such as "don't ask, don't tell." Could you clarify this ambiguity and state your opinions on homosexuality?

G: Is it secret? Is it safe?

CJ: I'm not sure I understand... was that a rhetorical question?

G: Such questions cannot be answered. You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess: not for power or wisdom, at any rate. But you have been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.

CJ: I'm still not sure that answers my question, though I can imagine your supporters on the left will be disappointed... [at this point during the interview, Tom Bombadil, seemingly off in another world, gets up from his chair and begins to dance merrily atop the tower]

CJ: Mr. Bombadil, you've been waiting patiently. When I polled our readers, the most prevalent question about you was this: "who is the real Tom Bombadil?" Now that you have the opportunity, could you answer this question which is on the minds of so many Americans?

Tom Bombadil: Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow. None has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master: His songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster.

CJ: Cogent and defining, Mr. Bombadil. It is well documented that you have raised awareness for childhood obesity in this country for several years now. If elected, do you intend to further champion this cause?

TB: Hey! now! Come hoy now! Whither do you wander? Up, down, near or far, here, there or yonder? Sharp-ears, Wise-nose, Swish-tail and Bumpkin, White-socks my little lad, and old Fatty Lumpkin!

 [After answering this question, Mr. Bombadil, who is still not seated, sprints down Orthanc's staircase, turns south and begins running fast, tossing up his hat and catching it until he is hidden from view; but for some time his "hey now! hoy now!" comes floating back down the wind]

CJ: Right... um... Gandalf back to you. What are your thoughts on Tom Bombadil as a running mate? Could he truly be expected to govern this country if the worst should happen to you?

G: Even if he could, soon or late the Lord of the Rings would learn of his hiding place and would bend all his power towards him. Could that power be defied by Bombadil alone? I think not. I think that in the end, if all else is conquered, Bombadil will fall. Last as he was First; and then Night will come.

CJ: I wouldn't call that encouraging, yet you touch upon a serious issue that I think plagues many young voters today, voters who feel as though their voices don't count, voters who feel helplessly thrown into a binary system, voters who feel as though there is no longer any hope left for fundamental change in this country. I ask you: what is your message to these voters?

G: It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not.

[At this point in the interview, Gandalf immediately rises from his seat, sprints to the edge of the tower, and leaps into the void, only to be safely caught by Gwaihir, Windlord, greatest of the eagles.]



You have more than two choices this November. A vote of protest may be mocked, but a vote of complacency changes nothing.



[Completely-out-of-context and slightly-manipulated quotes taken from The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien]

On my description

I am fully aware that it is grammatically correct to say: "... for the fewer than twenty people..." and grammatically incorrect to say:  "... for the less than twenty people..."

The latter sounds better. Sue me.